Teenage years

Teenage years- support and keeping your cool 

Teenage years are difficult. If any of you have older kids, you would agree that teenagers are harder to handle than toddlers. We talk about terrible twos, socialization and playdates for our young kids (and ourselves too as young mothers), but no one guides us as to what happened to our precious, cute, tagging-along kids as they get closer to teen years. It is hard being a teenager, and even harder being a teenager mom!  

Research has shown and confirmed that teenage brains are not fully developed till they reach the early 20’s. Despite these facts and statistics, we hold such high maturity expectations from our teens that we are devastated and broken when that happens. In the Education sector, we say failing to plan leads to planning to fail! We don’t want to do that ever in a classroom. What about our own homes: do we plan ahead for what puberty and hormones may bring into our everyday life? Our lovely sensitive kid suddenly becomes withdrawn, sullen, sarcastic, and ever angry on petty things. We need to take a deep breath and remember that it is just a growing stage. But really, it is so hard!! 

Based on the stage of their brain development, adolescents are more likely to act on impulse, misread or misinterpret social cues and emotions, get into accidents of all kinds, get involved in fights, and engage in dangerous or risky behavior. Adolescents are less likely to think before they act, pause to consider the consequences of their actions, and change their dangerous or inappropriate behaviors.

I am here to tell you that you are not alone! About 15% of the population are adolescents, so we can safely say that close to 1/5^th of the total world families are dealing with teenagers in their own homes. And we shouldn’t plan to let these difficult years just pass by; in fact, with the right education, knowledge, and attitude we can make these years comfortable, easy and even fun for ourselves and our kids. Read on to know how… 

1. Practicing countdown to 10 

Remember being told about this strategy when you are in crisis, angry or hurt and just want to immediately respond; hold your horses, pause, count to 10 slowly, breathe deeply. Well, the same strategy when your teen is testing your limits. It is difficult to do, especially as a first-time mom, but believe me it gets better with practice and subsequent kids:)

2. A balance between “what I think is right” to “what can be a midpoint where I can meet my kids” with their needs 

3. Set beliefs and values 

And hold on to them! You won’t think your kids listen to you, but they do so very closely. It may be months or even years before you can start hearing them repeat what you thought they never listened in the first place 

4. Open communications 

Life happens. We all have our moments when we are not the best self of ourselves and say things we may regret. Parenting is hard, but it is very important to have a two-way communication street open. Always. 

Listen more and talk less! We all know it is a mantra for life, but seriously how many of us follow it? I for one, love to blabber on and on if my teens would let me, but then in retrospect remember you are the adult and they are the child. 

5. We are not perfect 

Neither are our kids. To expect so much from them is totally wrong. We all make mistakes, but the biggest thing is to learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes.  

So here’s to the hope that we will try to be understanding parents and will take baby steps to have a great relationship with our growing adolescents.